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Shocking exposé of Changes In Longitude

by Guest

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Our first ever guest post is from our friend Paula who traveled with us in Portugal to peek behind the curtain at Changes In Longitude:

Spending time with the “Traveling Milnes” is like finding yourself on a TV sitcom. One that was probably canceled after three episodes.

First of all, half of what they tout on their website is a scam. “We’re traveling light!” they exclaim. Have you actually tried to lift Larissa’s suitcase? The thing weighs a ton. It’s a wonder half of it didn’t fall off in Pyongyang.

Then there’s Little Rocky. Their photos make him look huge, imposing, sleek. In person, the poor thing is decrepit, held together by scotch tape, his coloring half flaked off. He’s even a bit waterlogged after an ill-fated attempt to float him in the Dead Sea. (Newsflash: statues don’t float.) It’s like seeing me without my makeup.

Portugal Duoro Valley

Yes, Portugal’s Douro Valley is gorgeous, but who’s got time for that when there’s laundry to do?

Then there’s their technology. They blog! They tweet! Surely they have all the latest gadgets. Yes, Larissa has a MacBook Air and can whip up a wifi hotspot as easily as a chicken dinner. (Which was delicious by the way.) But Michael, stuck in the past, sluggishly clicks away at an ancient PC. It’s a sad sight to see.

And the glamour? What a joke. Their idea of exotic adventure is washing out their underwear on a beautiful day in Portugal’s Douro Valley.  Heck, they spent half the morning trying to figure out the knobs on the washing machine, probably just to kill time.

Changes In Longitude blog

On a slow day, watching the spin cycle is a fascinating event.

So all in all, Changes in Longitude needs some changes in attitude.  Because traveling with the Traveling Milnes definitely makes you want to jump on a plane and go somewhere immediately. Preferably straight back home to resume life as you know it.

(P.S. All of the above, while based on fact, is meant strictly tongue in cheek, of course. I’m happy to report that Larissa and Michael are great fun to travel with. And now they owe me 100 euros.)

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